i feel really bad. to get out of having dinner with my coworker, i made up a fake date. now generally, it's my policy not to lie about things. i mean this in the everyday lying sense of the word, obviously not like "i'm not having an affair" or "i didn't shoot your mom". my aversion to telling falsehoods has never been due to any sense of morality, but just because most of the time i think it's really lame. the most obviously lame thing is when people lie to make themselves sound cooler. i'm always really careful to avoid that, so i am usually painstakingly honest in recounting the details of an event. partially its because i'm worried that someone find out the truth, but beyond that, i would just think i was a kind of a jerk if i needed to lie to impress people. the bigger temptation is to lie about things you're embarrassed about. when people do that, i don't think they're a jerk, but i feel really bad for them. maybe it's one of those post-coming out phenomena that i appreciate being honest about everything, but these days i never really feel the need to be embarrassed about random shit.
so i also don't really like to make up random lies, but sometimes you get lazy. and this was another kind of lie, kind of like the younger sibling of the "i'm not having an affair" lie. a little white lie, if you will, though i didn't want to bring race into it. i did feel bad about it, but saying that my roommate had set me up on a date was a quicker way to get out of the meal than explaining the longer version, that i had told my friend i would make pizza with him, but then i didn't really think it would happen so i accepted her invitation to dinner, but then it was going to happen after all so i had to back out.
so i told this lie out of laziness, but it totally bit me in the ass because then i had to feign all this excitement, and tell her where we were going to eat, and then this morning i had to tell her that i didn't think things were going to work out because he wasn't that cute. that was like, a lot of lying. and it took a lot of energy, and i'm not that creative. and even though i didn't feel bad telling the first lie, each progressive one made me feel worse. it's like that tangled web shit.
so anyway, the point is, it's honesty from here on. and actually, come to think of it, i might have developed some morals. who knew.