my language tutor made me feel stupid the other day for insinuating that relationships in China are different from those in the US. specifically, for arguing that Chinese people feel pressure to get married earlier, and take relationships more seriously than Americans, often marrying their college boyfriend or girlfriend. "China is changing," she said. "it is much more liberal than it used to be." obviously, she was not totally off, and i'm sure that many more women are independent and happy to pursue their careers, etc, etc and not worry about catching a man.
at the same time, i've seen a lot in the time i've spent here that would imply the opposite. my tutor, in the first place, is not in a great position to judge as she herself married her college boyfriend. not that i'm judging her for that, of course its possible to meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with in college (the very couple that brought yours truly into the world met their freshman year in college). but at the same time, i feel like she's watching it all from the sidelines. its like how i applied early decision to college, and so watching my friends get accepted and rejected from different schools felt more like a game. i didn't have to deal with the stress and fear that i wouldn't end up going to the school that i wanted.
i think women here who become chinese teachers are particularly of the type that has passed their "prime" and is a bit desperate for a husband. they tend to be between the ages of 28 and 30. My roommate Mandie, whose Chinese is so good that she was alone in the top level class when we studied abroad here together two years ago, watched a romantic movie one day with her teacher in class. afterwards, she noticed that the teacher was crying. not like "aw how cute" crying, but like "i'm never gonna have romance in my life crying." i have heard of several teachers (including one in my program) entering into relationships with their male students, and i think that the phenomenon relates back to this feeling of desperation.
i was taking the train home with a coworker the other night, a really sweet girl probably about thirty years old. she started telling me i should go to an english language corner, a weekly event often near a university where chinese people go to practice their english. i said that the only English-speakers who went to those were men looking to score a chick. she agreed, then said that she used to go to the english corner, but stopped when she never got any attention from the men there. i asked her how Chinese girls met men. "mostly in college," she said. "and then through friends of friends. we don't go to bars like westerners." i said that colllege and friends of friends were also common methods for meeting people in the states. "college was really the best time of my life," she said. i agreed that yeah, college was pretty fun, although i could tell she meant it in the depressing way, like your life has been downhill from there. "now all my friends are married," she continued. "i don't have anyone to spend time with. now i just care about getting married." yikes! i'm glad to see that in the states, more than 51 percent of women are living single.