tonight i went to see one of the creators of the Black Panthers speak at BAM. it was pretty cool to see someone who played such an interesting role in activist history, especially since i just finished this book i've been reading, the gay metropolis. well mostly the book wasn't about activitism, but when it got to the 1980's obviously it was all about AIDS activism. that was, of course, very tragic and gripping and sad, and really inspired me to get involved in some kind of a gay cause. id never really thought much about being active, but maybe that's because before i came out, i'd been pretty much part of the majority (except being jewish i guess, but that doesn't feel like it counts in new york). that's a kind of unique thing about gays, is its like you havent' been a minority your whole life. its like you've seen american culture from the one side, when you're fitting in and have every advantage, and then all of a sudden you can see how much more difficult it is for a minority group. all of a sudden, if i'm in the wrong place, i could get killed by people who don't respect my lifestyle. and its scary feeling so vulnerable, and it makes me want to take action and get involved with something, to kind of feel like i'm working to make the world safer or to help people who's lives are unfairly disadvantaged in american society, a group in which i am suddenly included. sorry if this sounds cheesy, but there's something about hearing those 70's activists speak that makes you feel really earnest and excited, like affecting change is really possible. its not a feeling that you get from most young people these days, though i guess there aren't even many 70's activists left anyway, as most became disillusioned in the 80's by the onset of disco. but still, i think i'll give it a shot and start volunteering somewhere when i come back from china for good. anyway, its a great way to meet chicks.